On turning 58

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Yes, this golden girl turned 58 on the second day of this month — and I’ve been celebrating and celebrating and trying to welcome another year into my existence with as much gusto as I can muster. I have always been big on birthdays — not in the big party kind of way — but rather in celebrating and acknowledging the significance of each one that passes.. be it for me, or for those who matter to me.

I had to pause there and reflect on the simple, yet meaningful ways, in which I marked the day. I had lunch and dinner with the people who mattered. This year, though, was special because of the way little gestures or even words, made such an impact on the celebration. Of course, I am grateful to Mike Zuckerberg for reminding my friends and family via Meta – but also for providing a platform where people I don’t usually hear from take the time to paste gifs or scribble a birthday message. I went over each one and liked them, grateful and touched.

I received birthday cards which are actually my favorite birthday present – because I can tuck them away and go back to them at a later time to relive the feeling and the moment when I read those words. (Thanks, Hallmark and Papyrus.). And there are those who forgot, or chose not to greet, which kind of smarts, but at this age, we just let it go. People have their reasons for not celebrating, and I have never been one to impose.

So for starters, I did double my usual alcohol intake, what with a bottle of bubbly and cab on the ready. I couldn’t resist. And there were cakes and food galore — and smaller celebrations which were meaningful for being heartfelt and just truly celebratory of the fact I hit another year. I am grateful for each and every day that comes — but I am grateful to proclaim myself another year older even more. That is a priceless gift of life that I want to be able to relish and treasure as the clock of life ticks by.

I woke up refreshed and grateful for life’s simple pleasures — for the many firsts that the day brought. I took the day off and hied off to my birthday meals, and kicked off the weeklong party. We should not treat birthdays as “just another” celebration. We should always celebrate our birthday and those of others. I do not shy away from declaring my age — maybe because I relish the fact that people often think I’m 5 years younger. (Asian skin, I always say.). While I do not announce it to the whole world, I do not shy away or cringe when I’m greeted. Go ahead, celebrate me..

I have to admit that while I pictured myself in my 30s and even 40s when I was younger, I didn’t quite think about how I or life will be, close to 60. I guess I just figured I’d get there somehow, and then handle it when I got there. I feel the age creeping up on me, but I have chosen to graciously accept the universe catching up with me — reflecting on the things I did wrong, and looking forward, the things I can do right. That’s not an original thought but one I picked up from the current boss who, by the way, has announced her retirement. When asked at a recent meeting where she was a guest speaker on what are some of the things she felt she did right, she chose instead to deal with what she felt she had done wrong. She chose to stay with the lessons learned, rather than the victory. I think that’s a very humbling take on reflecting on one’s life, looking back to what had transpired in the past and picking the pieces that broke, rather than the masterpieces that marked your existence.

I have many to speak of and reflect on in my 58 years. And I am trying to humble myself by admitting to those mistakes, and trying to avoid making them again. It is not always easy, but I think I am the best version of myself yet, hopefully the kinder and calmer me.

I had three candles I blew out this round of celebrations, and for each one, I paused, closed my eyes and made a wish. Nothing grand, nothing big. I simply asked that I continue to receive the things that bring me joy and happiness as I go and embrace the world for another year.

Happy birthday, Pinay New Yorker…

Happy 58th!

Slow Sunday

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Sunday Breakfast

I was looking forward to the weekend because I wanted to sleep in. And sleep in, I did, getting out of bed just after 1pm. Maybe it was the fact that I slept past 3am, cutting shapes and playing with this new idea that is taking my paper collage earrings in another direction. I get engrossed like that and can go on and on. I made brunch and started my day.

I like days like this when there is no pressure to catch the bus, get to some place on a given schedule, and not have the luxury to pace myself as I please. That’s why weekends are special.

I planned to stay home thinking it would be raining through Sunday but the sun came out. I still stayed indoors.

My same day delivery from Michael’s meant for yesterday arrived and was waiting at my doorstep. I’m organizing my beads and other materials as I have started a defined plan to create new pieces for the shop.

It took a while to get the photos and the video done, but I finally published 6 new listings in my Etsy Shop. I guess I’m ahead of my 2 per month goal, and I have another dozen in the works. I’m keeping my fingers crossed it picks up interest somehow. Posting does not always equate to sales, but I wanted to get the shop going.

Tomorrow, a new week begins. I’m not one of those who dread the start of the work week. I go in recharged and refreshed from the weekend, and I face the desk sign optimism.

Here’s to a good week ahead.

Life catching up with me

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I had to let out an audible sigh after writing that title up there. I am in the middle of the work day and taking a mandatory 15 minute break before I go running around again, preparing for an event at work. I just needed a physical and mental break. Promise, 15 minutes only. And I will hit “Publish” soon as my 15 minutes are over.

It’s been a rather whirlwind of a past 2 weeks. I received a call from my doctor two weeks ago that one, he somehow failed to review my biopsy results from December (!) and two, I need to go in for a procedure that is too cumbersome to get into here. Long and short is, I did have the procedure a week and a half after that call last Friday and I must say, I hardly feel anything. Well, except when I suddenly feel cramps, or when there is a smidgen of a sign I had the procedure. Little pricks, not stabs, but still alarming to this Golden Girl.

I guess my body is reminding me I am almost 58. (I had to pause and count..) In a few weeks, I’m turning another year older, and I am actually excited to celebrate. Quietly — no big parties — just quiet celebrations with the people who matter.

Meanwhile, on my off hours, I have been busy crafting. There just aren’t enough hours in a day. So far, I’ve managed to keep myself up past midnight doing this and that with my paper earrings which are now ready to go on sale. I’m over the moon, and I’m actually happy to be so creatively focused. I am also trying to get the supplies in order, and I have finally gotten to the point where I am able to throw away supplies I don’t need, or which are of no use. What am I hanging on to these things for?

I am still listening to Ron and Clint Howard’s audiobook, The Boys, and almost done (FINALLY!) with the English translation of “El Filibusterismo,” a Filipino classic. And now, here I am writing again! Simple pleasures.

I often find myself lost in thought and drifting off to that dream vacation of just sitting in a room with the sunlight streaming through the windows, and reading.. and reading .. and sleeping .. and reading again. I dream of going home.. but the procedure has set me back by quite a bit. Turns out that my current insurance plan has a huge deductible that this procedure satisfies, but which my pockets will have to cough up. Another sigh. At least, I’m grateful that I’m in a position to satisfy the obligation. I’m not scrounging around and trying to find the funding. It’s there — but I had meant for that to pay for other more pleasurable experiences — like going home. I am confident that life will find a way. Like it always does.

Still, I’m in a happy place, save for the much awaited results of the procedure, which my doctor will deliver to me in person next week. There is a second procedure I must schedule come what may, but I think I’ll do that sometime after the big day for me and the boy on May 8. That is, unless the results next week necessitate that it be done sooner. Again, I am grateful for the technology and the science. I am in the best possible place to address any developments, good or bad. It just that it can just get me to a level of anxiety that keeps me up at night — even if I am distracted by other thoughts and other tasks. I am human, after all. But this human is lucky to be surrounded by so much love and support. Again, I am grateful.

After all, I have that plus one at the Oscar’s I want to collect on.. That thought made me smile.

Happy thoughts are a good balm for a tired and restless soul. I know I am blessed. I am good, I tell myself.

Yes, even as the temperatures in New York have dropped back under zero. It was supposed to be spring already but I guess winter has dug its heels in. My first winter here in 2001, we had a humongous snow storm in April. So your guess is as good as mine, as far as Mother Nature’s will is concerned.

Hello, Life, I say. Thanks for the nudge, but can you go gentle on me, please?

A paper filled Sunday

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A note from PinayNewYorker:

I am publishing this a few days late, having finished the post Thursday. I hope you bear with me as I try to be more present in this part of my world.

First, I’m going to berate myself for failing to write anything here the last month. Not happy about that, at all. As the coffee is brewing (am I the only one who finds the crackling and gurgling sounds of a coffeemaker soothing?), I thought it would be a good time to start writing.. again.

I woke up to a text at 8 this morning saying “I am in Basel.” I was still heady with sleep after I turned in at almost 3am. Six hours ahead, so I gave it a thumbs up and tried to close my eyes again. I don’t have much success with sleeping late into the day because my eyes can “see” the sunlight even with my dark curtains and my lids shut. Then I remembered I had the laundry.

I had big plans for this weekend— specifically trying to catch a few exhibitions in New York that are ending this March. I promised myself I’d do one museum a month and I failed to do the one I meant to do in January. So my hope was I would get to do 2 this month, and here I am on the last weekend of February with zero in that tally. I have been sidelined by a pain on the top of my right foot, and the orthopedist can only see me this coming Thursday. The golden girl in me said the wiser thing to do was stay home. And that’s where I am.

I meant to attend a luncheon in the city this Sunday, but again, walking isn’t in the stars. I am not even sure I’d be able to manage a walk to the corner stores to do some grocery shopping. I have learned to listen to my body more as the years have crept up on me, and the pain is loud enough to make me tread with caution— literally. The funny thing is the pain subsides when I wear heels at work. And to think I thought I was doing my feet a favor by having stuck to flats the last couple of weeks! I will wait for the verdict from the doctor before I make any resolutions on my footwear of choice in the coming days. Again, listening to my body.

My hands have been busy crafting and experimenting the last couple of days with paper. I figured I’d give the medium a go and try to come up with pieces for the Etsy shop, and just see where it takes me. It has been a rather interesting learning experience and I’m just taking my time. Working with paper as a medium for accessory components is a process, and it takes a bit of patience. You have to work with it layer by layer — and it isn’t as simple as stacking beads on a wire to create a link. It has me momentarily distracted from creating video content for the YouTube channel, but I’m not complaining. If it works, it works..

Embracing the New Year

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We’ve so far gone through 25 days of the first month of the year, and like 2023, I feel like the days are just whizzing by so fast. It’s a stark reminder of how fluid time can be, and how there is no going back or rewinding what lies in yesterday.

It’s been a busy first three weeks of the year — but a good kind of busy. I feel energized and inspired to keep going, and plod on, no matter what challenges have tripped me up along the way this start of the year. I get up, dust off my knees, and keep on.

I am creatively energized and have to start getting organized to give vent to the inspiration that is starting to overflow within. I’ve had two sales in the Etsy shop which is a big surprise — given that I haven’t posted any new pieces in more than a year. Worse, I have not done anything to promote the shop. I very badly need to inventory my goods to make sure I know where to find them if a purchase goes through. This last piece that sold eluded me and made me go through my many bins of finished pieces and stocks and supplies — and touching the beads and seeing the findings fired me up to start creating again. After I get organized!

I always complain about not being able to read more, but I have continued to read both in written and audible form. (I guess the latter is more of the “listening” than “reading”, but I have relaxed the rule insofar as my reading pursuits are concerned.) I have managed to rack up some interesting reads in the last 12 months that the books — and my experience reading them — deserve a post all to themselves. (Next blog post, perhaps.)

I keep attempting to begin the Art Journal, but I have been too busy. I know, that’s not an excuse, but I will make a serious attempt to begin the 2024 portion before the end of the month. I have to start drawing or writing or painting — soon.

And front and center has been my growing Youtube channel which currently stands at 9200 subscribers and growing. It falls short of my original goal of hitting 10k by the end of 2023, but I will not complain. I have been blessed to have gotten to where I am now with the minimal effort I’ve devoted to the endeavor, given the day job and the other facets of me that I need to deal with first. Motherhood, first and foremost, remains a priority, as my almost 20 something is making his way through life.

Juxtapose that thought with the things that go through the mind of this almost 58 year old golden girl, and I start thinking of what lies ahead 10 years and 15 and 20 years from now — if I’m lucky. Hold that thought for now. It keeps jabbing at my consciousness and I’ve pondered and dwelt on it some, but it’s a haze. To be honest, it’s one of those questions you know is hovering above you, but something you would rather ignore until it bops you in the head. In my mind, it can wait. 

I have high hopes for 2024. I personally believe it will be an even better year for me. 2023 taught me a lot — and I am grateful for everything I’ve been blessed with. I carry that into the new year as I embrace all it brings me — both the good and the bad, knowing I have enough of the former to balance out the latter. 

Hello, 2024!

Welcome, 2024!

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25 minutes to the end of the year and here I am attempting a post to sum up how my day is ending.

For starters, I’m exhausted. I have half the dinner table squared away but there is the other half that is not. I just need to put away the rest of the side dishes and clear the top and I can always wash tomorrow, or not.

So yes, we did have roast chicken, (thank you, Ina Garten, for this Perfect Roast Chicken recipe), but I had it for New Year’s Eve dinner and not on New Year’s Day. I think that pretty much dodged the admonition not to have anything winged on the dinner table. After all, I didn’t have it for late at night over to the wee hours, and we’re not having it tomorrow. I did the roasted potatoes, roasted garlic, the asparagus wrapped in bacon and his whole kernel corn on the side. I had done a fresh batch of Leche flan with success and I had quite a helping earlier tonight.

The boy wasn’t quite up to the meal as his Dad decided it would be nice to give him his first cigar. They also split a bottle of bubbly. He did recover after a spell, but the cigar had given him a bad headache. Lesson learned.

But we had our New Year’s Eve together which was all that mattered.

Happy New year!

And that was 2023

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I’ve been marveling at how the year seems to have just run past as I see 2024 approaching. We are entering the last 24 hours of the present year. Wow.

That’s not because of a slew of big things that happened in my life, be it wins or losses. Just the realization that yes, the year we welcomed not so long ago has just ended. So perhaps it’s not that bad that between Thanksgiving (my last post below) and now, I have been silent. Believe me, I tried. And this week alone, when I thought I would have all the time in the world to write because I took the days between Christmas and the New Year off, I failed. I am not going to beat myself over that. Instead, I find myself with a sense of urgency to finish a post before the clock strikes twelve. Not that it would make any difference.. but in case I get lucky and I actually sit here to write some time between the leche flan and the roast chicken and the sides I’m planning on tomorrow, I think it would be nice to end the year with a pair.

I will try. (No promises.)

I am tempted to do a 24 for 2024 again, but I am not in the mood to get into the “list” thing right now. I will try. (Yes, that is my mantra in the next two weeks or so.). I will probably do a reflection on the year just ended somewhere along the way, but that tends to be an emotionally heavy post I don’t relish writing unless I’m “in the zone.” I do have a list of projects that I want to take on — right at this very minute — but I want to get a good night’s rest to hit the grocery early tomorrow so I can get my roaster.

It’s been a week or so of staying up late to the wee hours, and still waking up at a reasonable 7ish in the morning, which leaves me in a stupor that takes a bit to wear off. But I like the feeling of leisurely dragging myself out of bed when I finally feel the need to — usually my bladder nudges me. (Don’t begrudge this golden girl for listening to my body.). Once or twice, it was because it was lunch time, and the day was getting away from me. I do have 48 hours left of this holiday, but the reality of getting back to work on Tuesday is hovering above me. It’s like a thick cloud that is shutting off the sunshine and casting a shadow on the plains below as we would see in those painterly sceneries in Westerns. It creeps upon you and darkens the tapestry you were admiring from a distance. Back to work, it is.

I was going to spend New Year’s Eve partying in the city with the son, but he asked that we stay home and do our usual dinner for two, home cooked by yours truly. Now, I’ve never really spent New Year’s Eve in the city. In my almost 24 years here, I’ve never witnessed the ball drop in person. I do know that transportation tends to get iffy after lunch when the streets around Times Square are cordoned off to vehicle traffic. (Once upon a time when I had a chauffer — the ex — driving us to Manhattan during the holidays, I did witness how ingress and egress from the cordoned areas presented a difficulty, particularly to pedestrian traffic). So commuting into the city, either through my usually reliable express bus or the local bus / subway/ bus combo for this party and the uber trip home after was a risky proposition — and the son made a good case for spending a quieter evening together as opposed to being in a crowd.

What can I do but relent. I was planning to go food shopping this evening, because I am not ready to cook that dinner for two after planning on the party in the city. But sleeping at 2:30am today and waking up at around 7am robbed me of the energy even after a shower. I ended up napping. By the time I woke up and thought I was ready to go, I decided I could do all that shopping tomorrow.

I was going to do a third batch of leche flan but I had a document to edit with the son. So beyond caramelizing sugar at the bottom of my llaneras (flan pan) and wrapping the bottoms of the pan with aluminum foil to prevent seepage, I guess I’m doing that tomorrow as well. I’ve been so hell bent on coming up with decent flan this year with the first batch totally going way off mark because of my weakness in math. I miscalculated the ratio of the ingredients and came up with a custard more than a flan. The second was the better one, and I’m trying to replicated that with the third. Meanwhile, I’ve been partaking which is not good for my middle, but I can always torture myself next week to try and shake off a pound or two (or five).

Well, my time is up. Happy (almost) New Year!

In My Kitchen on Thanksgiving

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I had meant to write this post on Black Friday, but the day got away from me. Minutes after midnight, I am trying to get my mind to reach a state of calm by writing here. I want to tuck away the thoughts racing through my head and put them into words, so that my brain can slow down enough to get me to la-la land faster. (I don’t know if it was the words, but I just let out a yawn. The power of suggestion!)

For the first time in a long time, I actually prepped for a Thanksgiving dinner. No, I didn’t host, but I had partnered with my niece by promising to take care of the sides. It was a small party so it wasn’t too much in terms of volume. The cooking took a bit, and it didn’t help that pretty everything had to be fresh out of the oven or the pot, and reheating was a do-at-your-own-risk kind of thing. I know most experts will disagree, but as a novice in the business of preparing Thanksgiving for a table full of people at least, there is always pressure to err on the side of caution.

The son and I really prefer chicken to turkey, and our sides have been pretty much predetermined by the picky palate of my favorite dinner date. I have only made turkey once — many moons ago. I wanted to do enough sides to make sure everyone had something they liked. For the son, it was just plain rice which my niece would have because one her sons has the same preference.

Jiffy Corn Casserole. The son loves his whole kernel corn, but mostly with his steak. One time I was browsing for sides, I saw this article on “Our Most Saved Thanksgiving Recipe Last Year” which was published mid-November. I’ve never attempted a casserole for Thanksgiving and decided I’d give this Jiffy Corn Casserole a try. It was simple but with suggestions of additions, but I went for the plain drained whole kernel corn with a matching side of cream corn, but I did add a ton of cheese on top. This was easy as pie, as they say, and while it was a more of a “let me try it — it’s okay” kind of side, it provided a different flavor next to the others I served up. I thought I’d go with this as the first dish to go into the oven.

Bacon wrapped asparagus. I originally wanted to do Brussel sprouts but my niece said only one of them ever liked Brussel sprouts, so I thought of switching to asparagus, and she agreed. I knew what flavors I wanted to pull together: asparagus + bacon, and I found a ton of simple recipes. I went with this one but really went on my own because I had to substitute some of the herbs, did dried minced garlic vs. the cloves in the recipe, and ended up with 3 bunches of asparagus and a 1-lb pack of bacon. I cut off the thicker and woodier bottom quarter of the asparagus but set them aside for a possible asparagus omelette another time. Then I cut the bacon strips into quarters. I increased the dressing by half and played the seasoning by ear. I arranged the asparagus in two rows and didn’t fully crisp them, making sure they cooked through. (The 20-25 minutes specified in the recipe will cook the asparagus but not crisp the bacon.)

The bacon had shed a lot of fat, so I plated the asparagus in another tray and discarded the drippings. When I arrived at the party, we broiled them on high for 5 minutes just to “wake up” the fat.

The Stuffing. What is a turkey dinner without the stuffing? So we agreed we weren’t going to stuff the turkey and I could serve it on the side. Using my go-to recipe mentioned in the previous post, I had an idea of what I wanted to pull together but I also wanted to try out something new. I started browsing the web, landing on this recipe for Sausage & Herb Stuffing. I bought Challah bread, and had cut up three quarters of a 1.5 lb loaf, cubed it and laid it out on a cookie sheet and left it overnight in the oven, with no heat. However, I forgot it was there when I started to head the oven up for my first baked side, the Jiffy Corn Casserole, and while it just got a bit toasty, I was afraid I would ruin the stuffing if I “insisted.” I sent the son out to the grocery to get some store bought bread cubes for stuffing, and I was set.

I followed the portions, got my breakfast sausage from one of my gourmet stores in Grand Central market, added just a bit more butter than necessary to grease the pan, and baked for 60 minutes. It was a big hit!

Mashed Potatoes. How can you go wrong with home made mashed potatoes compared to the mixed kind? One recipe touted Yukon Potatoes as the best variety to go with, but my grocery didn’t have any, so I went for the red potatoes. (I would welcome the wisdom of more seasoned cooks out there on what is the best potato to use.). I usually did mine with just butter, and sometimes boil it with garlic which I mash in with the bunch, but I found the Perfect Mashed Potatoes Recipe that called for some heavy cream you warmed with the butter. It turned out perfectly. I think the cream and the butter helped a lot with the consistency as I mashed the potatoes, and it’s a breeze adjusting the seasoning after.

Chocolate pie. Although it turned out to be an utter fail on my part, mostly because my pie crust was too big for the amount of custard I made, this recipe for Grandma’s Chocolate Pie is one I will try again some time soon because it actually turned out great. I love that it allows you to control how thick your custard will be. The custard is actually cooked on the stove top, and the crust (if unbaked) and the meringue (after the custard is done) is all that happens in the oven.

This was actually something I tried to do a day ahead, but after it ended up not working, I didn’t have the time to grab a new pie crust and attempt it again the day of, because I had already planned out how I would cook the other dishes above so that I could make it to Manhattan in time for dinner.

I think I can plan on other sides that can be done a day ahead for next time, but it felt good to share a Thanksgiving dinner with family after a long time. The son and I had gotten used to just going out for dinner or lunch at some restaurant, but this year was a heartwarming celebration of family.

I am grateful.

Weekend Strategizing about Thanksgiving

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I have been sleeping in on weekends whenever I can, the last couple of weeks. There are weekends where I’ve had to give up that luxury for at least one Saturday or Sunday, because I had to go to the city for some thing or other. Even when I open my eyes as the sun starts peeking through my dark curtains, I would stay under the sheets and fiddle with my phone — updating my feed, editing my videos, or just reading the news.

This Saturday found me getting out of bed with purpose, just before 9am. I put on a pot of coffee, headed to the shower, then made a brunch of banana pancakes. What better way to start the day and the weekend..

I always appreciate the extra time to just be. In the quiet of it all, there is no pressure to get up early and get ready for the day. I will myself out of bed, thinking about being able to accomplish more of the decluttering I’ve been trying to work on. Instead, I found myself binge watching The Watcher on Netflix. (Spoiler alert: That show didn’t really resolve anything, which leaves me feeling like they could’ve ended it a better way.. and obviously, they were leaving the door open for a Season 2 which, I heard, has been announced.)

I’m also researching dishes for Thanksgiving. No, I am not hosting, but I did commit to partner with my niece and her family of four, as we celebrate with my son and I. She’s taking care of the turkey, and I’m taking care of the side dishes. I am late to the party with my planned dessert, and I’m just a bit terrified of the thought of having to attempt a chocolate pie, her husband’s request. (Maybe I will, just for the sake of trying for my own satisfaction.)

But first, the stuffing and the side dishes. I have a cooking tome which is my go-to resource for all things about making my own food. I’ve always turned to “The Joy of Cooking” not just for recipes, but to learn more about the things I fiddle around with in the kitchen. The dust jacket had fallen apart on me, so it’s now covered with plastic book wrap I bought from National Bookstore during one of my trips home. Turning to the section on “stuffing”, I see my post-it note from more than a decade ago, indicating the version I did for Thanksgiving 2012. I am mulling about which one to use for 2023…

I already know I’m going to do mashed potatoes and another dish with Brussel sprouts. I am still trying to decide on whether or not I will do roasted sweet potatoes (since I have the mashed potatoes already), or another dish. I’m thinking we can just do roasted asparagus or broccoli. I put the book down and went back to sorting through my things. I feel as though I haven’t quite gotten rid of as much as I would’ve wanted to by now. Blame it on Netflix, but I tackled one box I have always tended to dump things into tday after day, and that is some marginal amount of success. Sometimes it can seem so slow, and you get discouraged because of the pace you’re going, but I’m hopeful I will get some major organizing done this weekend.

But back to Thanksgiving. I have never really been big on Thanksgiving in the 23 years I’ve been here. In the last 7 years or so when it’s been only Angelo and I, we’ve usually gone to a restaurant to have a meal with each other. So this is one special Thanksgiving, celebrating with relatives on MY side of the family which is a first for me.

My niece and I met for the first time in February this year, and we are both experiencing having real family present in the same country we’re in for the very first time. (Forget that I’ve had a first cousin work on the other side of the block for years, but that’s another story.). Her father is another first cousin of mine, and she was raised by her mother’s side of the family, and had lived most of her adult life in other countries. I was already in New York by the time she moved to Manila to pursue a degree, so our paths never crossed. Her father had mentioned she was moving to New York in August of last year, but we didn’t really meet until earlier this year. I am truly blessed by her presence in my life, which is why this Thanksgiving with her and her family is really special for me.

I think other than the Thanksgiving my mother spent with me here in New York when she was helping me take care of Angelo maybe in 2004 or 2005, this is the first Thanksgiving that has real meaning to me. So I want to make it a good meal.

Mashed potatoes, stuffing, Brussel sprouts, asparagus or broccoli and maybe a corn casserole. I came across a recipe for what is supposedly the most saved recipe for the latter in a popular cooking website. I just might give that a try.

The Posts I’ve been writing in my head

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I usually think of the title of my post and go from there. I think it’s the pressure of knowing whatever I type up there becomes — what do you call it? The sludge? (I am almost sure I’m remembering it wrong.). Not even a paragraph in and I’m seriously thinking of changing the title.

There’s an echo in my brain. (There you go.). I feel like these draft posts have been bouncing around in my head the last three months, but I have been too busy, too lazy, too distracted — all bordering on the extreme of “much’ — to actually write anything coherent. Today, actually, yesterday — I promised myself I would write. It’s beginning to feel as though I’ve been talking to myself. Not that I don’t normally do that, but when the conversations start playing out in my head, my brain starts screaming at me to write.

This Friday feels like a Saturday. Maybe because although I was busy with work, I was home and sorting through the mounds of crap around me. Congratulate me — I am actually bent on reducing my clutter, and I am ready to throw away as much of it as I can. It’s really long overdue. You know how sometimes you end up adding to the mess instead of taking away from it? I feel like I have to steel myself from becoming emotional about the things I have been keeping. I have a lot of letting go to do.

It’s Christmas and I bought a new Christmas tree. We threw away the last one after Christmas 2021, as the bottom feet of the tree had broken when I tried to assemble it. I managed to repair it and make it stand, long enough for the season to pass. My son was adamant that it had to go. Then in Christmas 2022, I forgot we had thrown it away so I was desperately looking for it in the attic when I finally realized, a week or so before Christmas, that I had none to put up. I have a white twig tree that by itself, is a tree on its own, and we made do with that. “Made do” because we are used to the over 6 feet tall artificial tree, all decked out with lights and ornaments. There were more than enough lights, but it was a measly 3 feet tall, but it came out beautifully.

So when the Christmas trees started going on sale, I started looking. A pre lit tree to me, is good for the moment, but not good as a year-to-year investment. I don’t have energy to lay out my reasoning here right now, but suffice it to say, I grabbed one on sale — unlit — from Home Depot. It’s still in the box, but I am going to try to clear the space to put it up before the weekend is over.

I’ve said here before how Christmas where I come from (the Philippines), actually begins in September — the so-called “ber ‘ months. If there was no Thanksgiving Holiday coming up this week, I’d have my lights ready. I have two “parols ” or Filipino lanterns I hang on two of my 4 windows. I used to use the tree as decoration for the bigger pair of windows facing our courtyard. I think I’ll end up doing that again this year. But I have a tree (again), and I’m excited to decorate that with the son who is coming back from college middle of the week.

I’ve always been big on this holiday, and it makes me miss home all the more. I have good and bad memories but have always treated each year as a meaningful holiday. Even during those times when I didn’t have as much as I needed, or that one Christmas my heart was breaking as I saw my family falling apart — there were good memories to go by. Christmas will always be my favorite holiday. (Had to slightly edit the title from “The Echo” to “The Echo of Christmas Past”.)

I am looking forward to this Christmas and think of the cheer and warmth and joy—- cliche though, that may be. Things that have transpired in the last couple of weeks in several fronts of my life give me a sense that it will be a good holiday. Ironically, the last couple of weeks have been rather challenging. The other day, I was sitting in one of my favorite Churches when the tears started flowing, and I had to try so hard not to break down. (Perhaps I will get to write about it in another post.. hopefully, soon.). And yet I felt reassured, and my prayers were answered — not exactly with the solution I was praying for, but with the message that they were heard.


I have been reading Pachinko and listening to Bono’s “Surrender” on Audible. I have been learning piano pieces in a brand new electric keyboard that was given to me as a gift. I would love to spend the day by an imaginary fireplace, getting to the end of the story. (And no, I’m not reading it because of Lee Min Ho although I am totally crushing on him.). And then I remind myself we are in the penultimate month of the year. 2023 has just sped by and I am still trying to create the 2022 portion of my art journal.

Some parts of my life are in constant motion but some parts have been left hanging in suspended animation. I try. Yet there are not enough hours in the day, or enough of “me” to spread out to get things done. I would’ve normally stressed over all these things, but perhaps the golden girl in me has simply learned to slow down, and just go with the flow.

I’ve stopped writing three times now and before this ends up floating in the ether and ending up unpublished, I’m going to end here and mentally egg myself on to write again. Hopefully, tomorrow.